Rating: 2/5

Finding a meal in Taipei is not a difficult task. At every corner, alley and intersection there are restaurants. Mossy cafe signs jut from the sides of buildings, rusting carts sell meat from grease-blackened barbeques and the ever-present FamilyMart sits bright and sterile, never more than a block away. These were all potential meals I trudged past April 19th en route to the Modern Toilet Restaurant.

I’m being overdramatic. The Google reviews make this sound like a great time, and why not? This is a laugh, an experience and a meal all in one. Maybe I should lighten up and let Modern Toilet treat me to an enchanting evening of excrement-themed excitement. This could be fun!

It was not. The dining experience is constantly a little bit uncomfortable owing to the friction between good meals and defecation. While the bathroom humor can be giggled at in juvenile appreciation, it gets less funny when you actually have to eat from a toilet. Seeing the “Pee Combo” (a drink or dessert with your meal for only 110 NT more!) on the menu is fun, looking into the waitress’ eyes as you order it less so. This is perhaps why the chain – once operating 19 locations across Taiwan and Hong Kong – is now down to three operating branches. At some point in its now 20-year history, the idea of “PooPoo Bread” and “Sh*t Ice Cream” must have lost its novelty – and the 2018 incident in which a Hong Kong customer actually defecated into one of the many non-functional toilets couldn’t have helped the restaurant’s popularity either.

My stir-fried pork comes at a high price for Taiwan (330 NTD), but tastes good if not remarkable and is only slightly diminished by the large toilet in which it is served. At this point in the evening, the diner is well-adjusted to the plethora of toilet imagery and can scoop food from the porcelain bowl with nary a trembling chopstick.

Modern Toilet would be significantly improved by the presence of other customers. Perhaps I would have laughed with them at the huge wallpaper declaring, “THIS IS THE SH*T,” or the poop-shaped porcelain in which the drinks were served. If the world needed a poop-themed restaurant, this would be the best way to do it. Unfortunately, I am left unconvinced that the world needs this at all. This restaurant just isn’t for me, and nor is it for any more than four of Taipei’s three million people.