Q: As teenage girls, what does being in love mean to you right now?

Julie: I think it’s not gonna feel different when you get older and date someone versus when you’re a teenager and date someone, you know?

Xun: Yeah, right now, it’s more of a…[laughs]

Julie: Is it not a topic that you have come to?

Xun: I have no experience, so I don’t really know, but I think it’s about finding someone you trust enough to share and spend memories with. So in that aspect, it’s not that different from, let’s say, a friendship, but it just feels more intimate and more close.

Q: But when you think of the word love, you guys both think of romantic love?

Xun: Not necessarily. First, I think of my family first and foremost, like my sister and my mom and my dad, then I think of my friends, and then…

Julie: And then, if I had a pet, that would go third, and then my partner, probably. But yeah, I think family defines love the most for me.

Q: Do you guys believe in soulmates?

Xun: I haven’t really explored that part of my thinking yet, but I believe you just have to find someone that you trust and you’re comfortable with, and the idea of there being The One just defeats a lot of good relationships that you may be able to have in the future. Everything is an experience, and whether that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with comes along in your life one way or the other, I feel like that’s just something that will happen eventually for me.

​Julie: I think I might just be influenced by my childhood, but I think there is someone who might fit your personality perfectly. But seeing as the environment is limited, I feel like the best way to find love is to find someone who can compromise with you and adjust together, so then you can be in a balanced and healthy relationship.

Q: What do you guys consider red flags versus green flags in romantic relationships?

Xun: I think the main red flag would be not respecting your boundaries consistently. Green flags? Obviously, being considerate, really thinking about you when they’re making decisions, and not only keeping their own interest in mind when going into a relationship. They have to be able to compromise and be able to find that balance between their own interest and their care for you.

Julie: For me, it’s really similar to what Xun said. A red flag is when you don’t care about what your partner feels like when they’re in a down mood. And a green flag could be that you care about that person a lot and you’re supporting that person, no matter what it is.

Q: How much do disagreements affect whether you would be with a person?

Xun: I think obviously compatibility is a large part of it, and regarding the political aspect of disagreements, I feel like a lot of my opinions come from a basis of morality, so that could be a huge consideration for me. But outside of that, I feel like most of the idea of compatibility is what you do after you disagree on a certain topic. Will you find a way to compromise? Is it something that can be compromised? How do you guys overcome this as an obstacle in the relationship?

Julie: I think because people grow up in all different environments with different experiences, it’s inevitable to have disagreements. I think it’s a matter of, like what Xun said, you have to really find a consensus point that you can both agree upon and go from there.

Q: How has your parents’ relationship shaped your notions of love?

Xun: I think, from my parents’ perspectives, they really cared for each other, and they really cared for me. It really showed through in our relationships, and that impacted my standards for how love should feel. It shouldn’t be abusive, it shouldn’t be oppressive. Even though they divorced, they still care about each other as friends. So it shows that love can be whatever you want it to be.

Julie: I think for me, my mom and my dad are really different, in terms of personality or lifestyle. So, they’re kind of adjusting to themselves, even though they fight, they say sorry, and try to create a better family relationship. And I think that kind of shaped how I think about how to treat the person you love: to not make them feel excluded or like a one-sided love.

Q: How does the media influence your view on love?

Julie: I don’t know if that’s only my environment, but when I was in Korea, my mom watched a lot of K dramas. And a lot of K dramas exaggerate: love being like fate and like a comic incident. So, when I was young, I thought that was true: You’re gonna find someone when fate matches you up. But now, I realize that it’s not the truth, and love is just meeting the person that you the best at.​

Xun: Yeah. There is a lot of media surrounding the topic of love, so that really shapes a lot of teenagers’ ways of thinking. For example, rom-coms and so many songs, like so many songs, are love songs, like 90% of them. So there’s really an urge that pushes teenagers to find someone they want to be in love with or in a relationship with, really fast, even if they’re not ready. So I feel like that is kind of a negative part of the media representation, but at the same time, it makes this idea of love a lot more accessible. And, yeah, I don’t think it really has influenced my notion of love too much, because I think I’m secure in what I want in my own life, in my relationships, but I can see how that might be a big influence for other people.

Q: Do you guys think that you can actually be in love as a high schooler, or is it just attraction?

Julie: I feel like it’s really rare to be actually in love as a high schooler, because you’re still in your developing stage. And you don’t have a fully developed ego, I guess? Yeah, so I think it just depends on the person. And I think it’s possible in some ways.

Xun: Yeah, same as Julie. It’s rare. Because, for you to be in love, from what I’ve heard, is that you have to have a really deep emotional connection with them, or you really are in love with their character and everything they do. So in that aspect, it’s kind of hard to differentiate between infatuation and actually being in love. So it’s really dependent on what you define as love. Maybe if you knew that person for a long time and you knew and liked that person’s personality, you might actually be in true love, I guess?

Q: At our school, looking at the different couples, do you feel pressure to start dating?

Xun: No, I don’t. I don’t feel that type of pressure because I think I’m really satisfied with my friendship circle and my family circle. So I feel like I already have so many support systems and so many good relationships that I’m not actively searching for a new type of relationship,

Julie: I think for me, no. But if my friends all start dating, then I might just feel excluded, you know. Like they’re all with their boyfriends and stuff. But as of now, I love my friends, and I love my family, so I’m not really pressured right now.

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Q: Describe your love life in one emoji.

Julie: 🤫

Xun: 🍣